Good Morning Together

This morning, whilst getting DS ready for his day, Mr S says to me that he's got some stuff to say based on yesterday's therapy with Saul. I'm all ears, I say.

He tells me that he and Saul have had a pretty good session wherein Mr S identified some of the dynamics that go on while he and I are having conversations. When I speak about my needs, Mr S hears (sometimes, not all) the Monster-in-Law demanding immediate attention for her needs. Like a flashback. MIL's statements of need are demands for immediate gratification, there's no room for negotiation, compromise or any of that jolly stuff. Mr S's response to MIL is to either 1) fight back or 2) immediately acquiesce. So, when I speak my needs I will often get one of those responses. This leaves out the whole negotiation and compromise thing. Mr S's world, when he's responding to me as if I'm the Monster-in-Law, is that there's no possibility that his needs can even be conceptualized, much less considered or met.

Makes the give and take of a grown up relationship difficult.

He will sometimes use "brain fog" as a defense mechanism to escape dealing with MIL's demands. Brain fog leads to depression.

He wanted to make sure that I understood this dynamic and that I know that he's got a pretty good understanding of it himself. I'm pretty pleased with his sharing of this information and the way that he shared it and the fact that we had another pretty content-rich conversation without yelling and screaming at each other. Always a good thing.

He also wanted me to know that he had the thought getting ready this morning that he sure is glad that DS and I are home now. AND he made sure to tell me that he had that thought.

It's good to hear one's appreciated and wanted and welcomed.